dad

I'm looking through my book trying to figure out which poems I want to pull out and put on here. I found some that I wrote right after dad died.

I don't know. I think there's something in my brain that CANNOT, even still, begin to comprehend and/or UNDERSTAND any of this. When I start to think about it, I just shut off/down/whatever.

I know that I'm getting to a point where I need to get back on my meds. But honestly...I don't think Lithium, Depakote, or any other mood stabilizer is going to change or make it easier to deal with my dad's suicide. He took the fucking easy way out, and I don't know if I'm more pissed that he's gone or that he beat me to the punch.