Cold-hearted Bitch

AccessNorthGa.com - North Georgia's Newsroom

I was looking for my dad's obituary and stumbled onto his father's obituary instead.

I don't think there's an adjective in existence to adequately describe how shocked I am right now. I have despised this man since the day I was reintroduced to him at my dad's funeral. I have blamed him from day one for both my father's and grandmother's suicides (within a month of eachother).

As deeply troubled as my father has always been...his life went from bad to worse in an instant. Growing up, he'd get between his mom and dad only to end up being on the receiving end of the rage and violence.

Considering that I've wished for his death since my dad's funeral...partly for the responsibility that I lay at his feet...and for some of the statements he made at my dad's funeral. i.e"I know I'm not your father, but I hope you'll allow me to act in that capacity."

As much and as long as I've hated him and wished for his (preferably painful) death, there was a small part of me...that hoped I would have enough faith and humanity left that I'd put aside the blame and feel sad for the loss. I'm not sure what it says about me, but I'm not sad. Shocked? Definitely...considering that this discovery was completely accidental and ironic in that I posted his mugshot and criminal record in an earlier blog entry. I don't know if my non-reaction makes me a cold hearted bitch or not. What is certain is that I don't feel guilty for my feelings on the matter...and I won't have any problem going to sleep at night.

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