Considering that my mother is/was the living breathing embodiment of evil, with no maternal instict period, I just had to wing everything. I've made mistakes, sure, and lots of them, but so has he, and I can't quite get him to acknowledge that he just might bear some of the blame.
Honestly, I'm nothing like I was then. I've been busting my ass emotionally to keep this family together. I didn't have that, but I was willing to do whatever it took to ensure that my child did.
I've been having a really difficult time in the last few months. I got laid off at the beginning of March, and I can't even begin to describe what that place did for me. It seems silly, and I can't quite put into words what it was. Anyway. I'm having a hard time finding another job. It has nothing to do with my qualifications...work matters are where I shine.
One job out of the dozen that I've had since entering the workforce. Statistically speaking, the odds of finding another situation like the above...are slim, nill, to none. I'm reluctant to give any other job a chance. One out of twelve. So what. I'll have to go through another twelve jobs to get another opportunity? Just about the absolute truth.
We're talking about business here, folks. That $$ reigns supreme, and if a company has to screw over it's employees to bump up that bottom dollar, they will. It's business, and honey, it makes the world go 'round.
I swore that I would never again work in an environment where speaking freely is all but barred. And I'm not going to work in an environment where I can't do what I think is right. There is a way to meet in the middle. If big business would put forth the exact same effort toward their employees, they'd be rewarded and respected.
Basically my husband is telling me that I should take whatever job comes my way, because when money is tight, one does what one has to do. Partially true. But. There are one or two things that I will not tolerate. Some HR Bitch telling me that I should change my image and join the country club with the rest of executives. Yeah, not going to fucking happen.
I'm irritated...and tired. I'll come back to this tomorrow.
On a different note, I took this picture of me yesterday. It's what I have to do, because I want to see the head-on view, which in my mind, seems more accurate. Plus I'm trying to see if I can see what others have said. I won't let people take my photo at a birthday party, but I'll sit in my room for 3 hours taking and erasing a million photos. I saw the particular picture, and I don't know what kind of camera trickery is going here, but I AM NOT that thin. I can't see that.
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