Whoever said that bipolar people should have a "schedule"--a sort of constant or consistency in their daily lives that will result in fewer mood shifts...they're full of shit.
Granted, my eating and sleeping patterns are not up to par, but I thought that my new job would provide the stability of a schedule. And would, at the very least, minimize the extreme and sudden shifts in my moods.
One could argue that I have no right to expect that when I'm not being mindful of ALL contributing factors. Fuck that.
Listen. The sleep, I can work on, but it's really hard to do that when there are a 1,000,000 thoughts in my head. Not to mention...all of the little projects and research and to-do lists leave me excited, but I'm impatient. I feel like I have to do each and every one of these tasks right now, at this very second. I fear that somehow time will run out, and there will be a shitload of things that I'll never get done.
Anyway. Having a regular schedule doesn't seem to be any kind of solution to maintaining my mood swings. Then again. I could be quite wrong. In the last two years, I've been under the impression that I was the better judge of me, my motives, and my emotions--and with such knowledge and insight, I could make positive changes and change my dysfunctional thought process. But no. Being told that my logic is "that fucked up" and incredulously asked what planet I live on--has left me completely unsure of the very things I thought I knew about myself.
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